Sweet Relief

10/18/2022 - health update: getting lucky, getting older, beginning EMDR, sending my body backwards into the darkest parts of its memory and doing it with my chin up. Content warning.

It is cloudy, but warm today. There is no sunshine for the kittens to bask in, so they are sleeping in hiding places. The pressure around my head is about a 5 on the pain scale, but I’m about to take another pill. I have been taking a new medication for one week, and I am finally seeing some relief. I have been seeking treatment for this headache for 8 months. Doctors still don’t know what is causing it, but the upper limit of my pain has been getting lower every day.

I was told that I actually can’t continue the medication, and I need to wean off of it, but this is still a major success for me. Even though this trend of relief might not continue, I know that something worked for me. Even if it’s not full relief, it’s not untreatable.

When I tell other people how I feel, it feels like I'm trying to convince myself too. Yes, I have been struggling, and yes, I do need more support. Yes, I have been doing better. Yes, I do have the energy for that today.

I had my third session of EMDR therapy on my birthday. I am 22 now and I feel like I’m too young. I have experienced too much.