Outrunning the Knife

a mosaic; a poem; a story; what happens when you're stabbed, and you keep bleeding?

Content warning for violence, gore, and self-harm.

Autopsy Report 
July 30th, 2022

Jane Doe

White female, dark hair, estimated to be between 20 and 25 years old. 

Many scars along chest, abdomen, and thighs, with various degrees of healing. Some are fresh, some appear to be multiple years old, and some are overlapping. Evidence of repeated physical trauma. Possible explanations are that the subject was a combat veteran, or a victim of torture. Based on lack of muscle mass, the latter is more likely.

COD: blunt head trauma, homicide

---

Something cut my finger when I was 4. My grandpa said it was an accident. 
My mother wrapped a Band-Aid around my pinky, and, 
gingerly, she kissed it better. 
She said it would be healed in no time. 
She said I wouldn't even remember it when I'm older. 

She was wrong. 
I still remember the blood, and 
how scared I was that it would never stop. 

My mother taught me how to be a good woman. 
When I was 5, she taught me how to sew pillowcases, 
and she taught me how to scream.
"Fire! Fire! Help! Fire!" Because that's more likely to get someone's attention than what's actually happening. 

---

In 6th grade, a boy whipped out his knife in class. 
He asked a group of girls to crowd around him, 
because he had something they'd want to see. 
When he showed them the knife, they screamed and ran. 
He was expelled.

The next time I saw him, he was an adult.
Balding in his early 20s, with a bushy beard. 
His mugshot looked nothing like the kid I knew. 

---

People started throwing knives at me from cars when I was 14. 
They only nicked me, and I was brave, so I didn't change my path. 
I liked to walk at sunset, and nobody would take that away from me. 

I armored up before I left the house. 
Sports bra.
Long Johns.
Bulletproof vest. 
Hoodie. 
Sweatpants. 
Hockey mask.
Running shoes.
Gloves with steel knuckles. 

When one of those cars followed me home, 
throwing blade after blade, 
I started carrying a knife myself. 
It was rainbow, like an oil spill.