Do you have anxiety, or are you just being a coward?
On facing discomfort.
Harsh title, I know. Just hear me out.
I had panic attacks when I was 15, and I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder when I was 18. It felt like a cop-out even back then, but it at least helped me get some medical treatment.
6 years later, I understand now that I have autism, and I do not experience the symptoms of anxiety when I am well-regulated and accepting of myself. Do I still experience discomfort in social settings? Fear in crowds? Absolutely. But I understand now that this isn't "social anxiety" that needs to be labelled or fixed, it's just what my nervous system prefers. Now that I recognize that preference, I don't fall into a panic attack when I am overwhelmed in public. I recognize why I'm uncomfortable, and I either leave or I use reliable tools to get through it, like stimming or headphones.
The downside to diagnoses like anxiety and depression is that they describe the symptoms, but not the cause. I think often the cause of anxiety is carrying shame over things we can’t control or don't understand about ourselves. The anxiety itself isn't the problem, it's whatever you're fearing that is getting you riled up.
If you're brave enough, can you ask yourself what it is that you're fearing?
Do you hate when people look at you? Why does that make you uncomfortable? What do you think they're perceiving?
Are you afraid you're going to make a mistake? What do you think will happen if you make a mistake? If that happens, then how will you feel? What are you trying to avoid?
These are just some examples of anxious thoughts that have run through my own head. It can be daunting, but it can really help to deconstruct these feelings piece by piece. Make it a thought exercise, and maybe even journal about it.
Pick a moment when you're NOT super activated, and reflect on something recently that made you anxious, or something coming up that you expect to feel worse about later. What were the thoughts running through your head? The feelings in your body? What parts of you tensed up? Was there anything in particular that triggered it? A setting, a sound, an action, a phrase? Did you trigger yourself? Break it down as far as you can.
Try to put down your personal shame for a moment, and treat this like an investigation. It's time to get to the bottom of this. Say it with me: I'M TIRED OF BEING AFRAID!
FEAR IS GETTING IN THE WAY OF WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO!
I MUST UNDERSTAND THIS SO IT STOPS HURTING ME!
I think the biomedical approach to mental health, and the popularization of medicalized language, actually discourages many people from identifying the cause of their suffering. Instead they chalk it up to something they can't change, so they don’t investigate, and their problems don’t change, and some of those people choose to stay on psychiatric medication long term.
I won't say psychiatric medication doesn't have its place (I still take one myself), I just think it shouldn't be the first-line response to mental health issues. It's been debunked that "serotonin deficiency" is the cause for depression and anxiety, scientists just found that SSRIs, (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) decreased symptoms of those conditions slightly more often than a placebo did. And Big Pharma gets a lot of money over making those the first-line treatment.
Now it’s getting more common for antipsychotics to be prescribed for depression, which deeply concerns me because of the greater risk for severe side effects. I was put on Abilify once, and I kept having a facial tic for 6 months after I stopped taking it. Those things are no joke, and they're being handed out willy nilly to people who would probably benefit more from talking out their feelings and processing them.
It doesn't help that healthcare is not free in the United States, and that filling a prescription is more convenient, and often cheaper, than scheduling meetings with a counselor.
Overall, the idea of a chemical imbalance being the cause for our widespread mental health issues is a load of crap. It's the economy. It's societal pressure. It's doom over the future. It's the decrease of in-person connection now that screens have taken over and places to meet people are being shut down. It's the fact that most people spend hours of their day on the internet, and our brains were never designed to handle this much information at once.
Boredom is deeply necessary to the human brain. It helps us return to a neutral state after being overwhelmed. It increases self-awareness and motivation. It's necessary for creativity. But people aren't allowing themselves to be bored anymore, and so many people are screen-addicted. It's damaging children the most. Unlimited screentime allows us to numb and distract ourselves rather than process our thoughts so we can move past them.
I got a smartphone when I was 14 and it altered my sense of how one should be. Like many Gen-Zers, my parents were not equipped and not paying enough attention to understand how unlimited access to the Internet was affecting my brain, and my emotional life. I think older generations will continue to lack understanding because we experienced this during our formative years. They may think what we worry about is "silly", but it's been our reality since we were kids.
A skewed, fucked-up, unwell reality that we just so happened to be born at the turn of the century to experience. 21st century, baby! We have more technology to connect than ever, and yet it's been used to fragment us so that we are more isolated than ever too!
You're not alone in being scared. There's a lot of reasons to be scared nowadays. If you feel overwhelmed, I challenge you to carve out some relief for yourself. Ease up your responsibilities if you have to. I also challenge you to try something new. I challenge you to try something you're afraid of.
Please be kind to yourself. We are all cowards sometimes. We are all afraid of something. We all prefer comfort to discomfort. But if you want to put an end to your anxiety, or at least make a dent in it, you have to change something. You have to be brave, buck up, and do what you need to do. Whether that's meeting a counselor, changing your habits, changing your environment, or finally telling that person what is bothering you, do it. You can get through this. I believe in you.